irreverent reverends

Last Night's/Today's Feature: Stealth (2005 - Rob Cohen)

2005-12-04T10:53:00.000-08:00

This movie was soo bad that the writer, W.D. Richter, ought to be banned from writing for Hollywood for the remainder of his life. Reason for sentancing: for having the audacity and stupidity to approach such meaningful subject matter as the loss of a person's life, and the existential concepts of A.I., with the equal tact of, say, RAMBO! Just for starters. Granted there's some very cool subject matter, exciting visuals, and some likeable characters, but it is a true embarrassment to the art of film-making.

Last Evening's Diversion: Pride and Prejudice (Joe Wright - 2005)

2005-11-28T18:07:00.000-08:00

I must say I rather liked this moving picture. It was wonderfully diverting. I and my fellow cinema-goers enjoyed the general splendor and the period-correct dialog. The gentleman seated in the row in front of us made quite a noise during a short scene in which a sow walks by a doorway. It was most uncouth.

If you allow yourself the honor of viewing this film, you shall not be remiss. I myself have never read the novel, nor any other of Ms. Austen's works, and I truly enjoyed the story.

Ms. Knightley, playing the second eldest Miss Bennet, positively shined in her role. The sets and costumes were superb, as were all of the ribbons.

Would you care to take a turn around the room?

Overheard in 1023

2005-11-20T21:01:00.000-08:00

Why wouldn't she have muted the phone before she put it in her oversized vagina?

- Marc (kangaroozach)

Today's Feature: Zathura (2005 - Jon Favreau)

2005-11-12T14:28:00.000-08:00

it was the magical world of chris van allsburg's jumanji that undoubtedly inspired zathura, his follow up space-game adventure tale. the interesting point here is that hollywood's sleek addition to the interactive board game genre was indeed an original effort on van allsburg's part.

van allsburg clearly constructed this type of story for a specific reason. the relationships formed and lessons learned behind the antics of the game erect a formula that could be endlessly repeated with new familial issues to excise and patch up with each go-round. the hollywood approach to van allsburg's incredible storytelling is obviously expoited because, well, they're just that damn good. how could they possibly let zathura stay on the bookstore shelves without turning it into a thanksgiving box office marketing wet dream?

that said, jon favreau, in his follow up directing role to the 2003 holiday smash 'elf', does a fair job at constructing the family tension between walter (josh hutcherson, 'little manhattan') and danny (jonah bobo), and an even better one exploring the small victorian house suspended in the limitless spacial universe described by van allsburg. it's not easy to write a film focusing on two kids under 11, but veteran david koepp (jurassic park, spiderman) does a fine job in creating the bickering and sometimes comical dialogue between walter and his younger brother.

the board-game tactics that run parallel to those of jumanji don't seem as cleverly constructed this time around, but the effort to focus the game on the reformation of two young brothers is quite nice. zathura is visually appealing, with the meteor shower and magnet field card turns showing today's CG superiority to jumanji, but instead of a frightening bounty hunter, this time it's just an average personal toy robot. and instead of a ferocious lion and sneaky monkeys, it's trite zorgon aliens. and finally, instead of an endearing and hairy robin williams, it's a flat and snarky dax shepard astronaut. his surprise reveal is certainly unexpected, but also poses some logistical problems that i am still working on deciphering.

for an interstellar adventure this anticipated, zathura revels in its lovely predecessor. it's no sequel, but walter and danny are so fast to jump into the game (almost like they knew what their board-game adventure had in store for them), that it leads one to ponder the true significance behind zathura. either way, take evasive action -- the van allsburg meteorshower continues. but do be sure to take a peek.

Overheard in 1023

2005-11-10T20:48:00.000-08:00

I would much rather pierce my testicle than break my penis

Overheard in 1023

2005-11-10T15:19:00.000-08:00

Its still bad to be a jew!
You can still get anti-semitized!

Today's Feature: Rize (2005 - David LaChapelle)

2005-11-06T02:30:00.000-08:00

A fiery documentary with loose morals but fabulous visuals. Clownin' and Krumpin' in South Central Los Angeles are profiled and exposed by semi-legendary MTV video guru LaChapelle. The frenetic and truly remarkable dance styles may resemble each other, but as members of the 50+ clown groups and their rival Krumpers will tell you, they are worlds different.

As the dancing subculture consumes would-be gang bangers of the seedy L.A. southside, LaChapelle focuses on innovator "Tommy the Clown" and his proteges, as well as icons like Tight Eyez, Miss Prissy and Lil' C to unfold this tale. These tangible faces make the dance obsession that much more meaningful. We hear horror stories of family shootouts, drug interventions and murder from the dancers, which proves to be the most potent aspect as to why this subculture is so important. It's expressive, personal and damn cool to watch, but the motivation behind the sweat and runny-clown make up is the most intriguing.

Think about it, how many of these dancers would be killing for acceptance into the Bloods or Crips if not for their investment in dancing? LaChapelle struggles in elevating the truly interesting morsels of the culture, like an abrupt visit to a discount casket store, above the mind blowing dance routines. The Bloods v. Crips may be overlooked for Clowns v. Krumpers, but one still has to wonder, how far can this rivalry go? A break in at the end nearly shatters this moral dilemma. Then again, this is South Central L.A.

I really can't decide

2005-10-29T21:21:00.000-07:00

Is she cute or is she not cute?

Clarification questions

2005-10-29T13:05:00.000-07:00

To expand on the last post:

1. go have sex with a British duck
2. speak in a British accent while involved in intercourse with a duck
3. find the physical embodiment of a British accent and force it to mate with a duck
4. say the phrase "Go fuck a duck" with a British accent, as seen in the film Wimbledon, which is an entertaining romantic comedy

Wimbledon

2005-10-29T12:29:00.000-07:00

Fuck A Duck (with a british accent)

Today's Feature: Easy Rider (1969 - Dennis Hopper)

2005-10-23T11:49:00.000-07:00

Wow. Quite the experience for today's viewer. A good change of pace. Phsycidelic bike trip across America. Excellent motivator to not do drugs. But sweet bikes, and beautiful landscape. Interesting soundtrack. Damn hippies

tres.siete/cinco

2005-10-22T19:14:00.000-07:00

i was told, about the whole mirrors thing, that it would be far harder to have paint on mirrors, but if they did it would be worth a lot because there would be no more 7 years of bad luck from breaking mirrors.

i said i should add it to my list (of things i'll invent), right next to my force field and my teleportation device. but i don't hold much stock in the last one, i can't seem to remember how that made the list at all. i think it must've been something else that i forgot about

2005-10-22T19:12:00.000-07:00

were you aware that they have paint-on chalkboards? if so, why don't they have paint-on mirrors?

Today's Feature: Domino (2005 - Tony Scott)

2005-10-15T21:17:00.000-07:00

Keira Knightly is ca-ute. She's well fit too. It was a shame a body double was used for her un-clothed scenes though. Watching her play a spoiled model turned bounty hunter was fun enough. Supposedly this was based on an actual Domino Harvey who recently passed away. She must have been an interesting woman.

Oh, as for the rest of the film, it was pretty 'meh'. It was fun to watch for the most part, but it tended toward not making sense. And it also kept going, two hours long. Some strange techniques were employed to keep the audience informed, like random titles for example that were very inconsistent throughout. It seemed as if they were added after the fact when they realized the audience was going to get lost. The fast-paced cuts made me a bit nauseous and gave me a headache halfway through.

Sadly, I will have to refrain from rating this title officially. My thumbs were broken in a recent freak dodgeball accident and I am temporarily unable to orient them in a thumbs-up or -down position.

Tonight's Feature: Blade Trinity (2004 - David S. Goyer)

2005-10-08T23:13:00.000-07:00

Another classic Blade feature. Some pretty sick shit. Some pretty fucked up shit. And some pretty cool shit. Big fan of the Dracula legend (although it scares the hell out of me), so bringing him in was a nice touch. Thank God they didn't use him for the second, and that this was the last, because any other ideas would've been toooo horrible to even tolerate in light of all of the cool other stuff(swordfights, gadgets, regular fights, nunchuck skills, etc), and thats saying a lot for me soo you better take it seriously. They always have a hint of sex appeal, this one focusing primarily on Jessica Biel. I'm not really a big fan, but she was alright, and if you are, perhaps it had a better effect for you. Let me know, I'd be curious. Anyway, your usual crap movie, like the other Blades, but plenty of the same redeeming, enjoyable features that make it a pretty sweet action flick to get you hyped.

2/5

Tonight’s Feature: Waiting (2005 - Rob McKittrick)

2005-10-07T21:36:00.000-07:00

Step 1) Gather your three most homoerotic asshole friends and brainstorm all the hairyballsagna penis jokes you can think of.

Step 2) Convince three half ass production companies to splurge a hundred Gs a piece to rent out a Bennigan’s for a long weekend, redecorate a few things and muster some film-school rejects to at least pretend to work your crew.

Step 3) Con Dane Cook into believing that he could boost his blossoming comedy career by teaming up with America’s favorite apathetic college wankster “Van Wilder” and revealing his man-grundle on the big screen.

Bam! You’ve just got yourself Hollywood’s newest cliché exploitation of middle American restaurant culture. Apparently, I already got my dose in Office Space. Yea it was funny to see Luis Guzmán attempt to isolate his testicles from his actual penis in an effort to flaunt a Mexicana-motherbrain to the innocent new guy….But come on, How many times can we laugh at the same shit that got old even at summer camp. This movie was an embarrassment to anyone whose face we already could recognize and definitely something to erase from your resume if we don’t know who you are yet.

2005-10-05T22:02:00.000-07:00

there is a mysterious red hook protruding from the ceiling in the bedroom that overlooks roosevelt.

what was the purpose of this red hook in previous years?

who would ever need a large red hook sticking out from the ceiling?

to be investigated....

Can't someone else do it?

2005-10-05T20:37:00.000-07:00

Upon my return yesterday evening to our rented Ann Arbor dwelling, I found an enlarged copy of the photo from last Tuesday's Daily front page. Though the caption references trash problems on South Forest, the picture was actually taken at the home directly across the street from ours on good ol' Church. Adam and I even saw the geographically-challenged photographer taking the pictures. The question now is who left this copy for us, and why? We have never ever had any illegal garbage on our property and, to my knowledge, have not violated any city ordinances. If you have any information regarding this mystery, please to comment.

Tonight's Feature: The Greatest Game Ever Played (2005 - Bill Paxton)

2005-10-04T21:08:00.000-07:00

Classic Disney epic. I'd have to say it was quite enjoyable. A beautiful, subtle mix of characters, stories, ideas, and effects, none of which were overdone or forced. At times the effects got to be overwhelming, but after the film you find they give it a nice touch, and they mark the signiture of a Disney epic. I found myself frequently wondering why they wouldn't let the actors lead the movie, but such is the curse of a Disney epic, one of the downsides that must exist. But it was still ejoyable just the same. Don't be too snooty about films and you can appreciate it just fine, and I don't think it hurt any of the actors careers. Shia LaBeouf is as lovable as ever in his character here. I can't wait for the day when we get to see him really shine, but his maturity and evolving acting skills are definitely visible in this flic when he uses his insides and face to do much of the acting. A beautiful herione is also obviously present, and perfectly enoyable, for everyone. Yep, that'll about do it. Eleanor put your buts back on.

I'd say about the lowest 4 you can give, but still with the integrity of a 4, out of 5. Still haven't decided out of what yet. How do you feel about burritos?

Today's Feature: Hollywood Homocide (2003 - Ron Shelton)

2005-10-02T15:02:00.000-07:00

Highly underrated movie! Seemed like a stupid movie at the time, you know, Harrison Ford, Josh Hartnett (so hot at the time, but didn't seem really so great to me), stupid hollywood cop movie, but its really quite witty and comical, gotta be the writing. Also, there are many, very hot girls sleeping with Hartnett and doing yoga in spandex. What I'm trying to say is, should be a shitty movie thats got some fun stuff, but its actually surprisingly good. Love watching it. Very enjoyable.

3.5/5 somethings yet to be determined

Tonight's Feature: Harold and Maude (1971 - Hal Ashby)

2005-10-01T21:03:00.000-07:00

Morbid, Loony comedy, remarkably morbid, a good mix of dark humor. What craziness! Definetly a good movie, well worth watching. You know, artsy, not immediatly appealing to the senses, but an earned appreciation, making it truly good and satisfying. A good lasting impression. Tastes of avant garde directing, color schemes, lighting. Did I mention the crazy, very funny, crazy things that continue to happen throughout the film? Good.